(20th Nov - Breakfast)
I've been pretty busy with part-time jobs but I'm back to being free now which is very relaxing :)
It feels like ages ago since I got my O-level results, went to open houses and got posted to the school of my choice. At that time, I decided to go JC since a local university was my goal. But dreams change, people change and paths change.
Somewhere along the way in JC, I began to realise that I didn't enjoy what I was doing. Perhaps a lot of students in JC just do for the sake of doing and I salute those hardworking people for being so resilient- I can't do that. Put simply- I lost motivation. Everything was overwhelming and I couldn't handle the stress, I should've known from my past of stress issues in secondary 4.
Anyway, back to the JC experience in its entirety. I actually did not bad (by my standards) for Os. It landed me in a decent junior college. I found myself inspired and excited at the beginning of the year. But that eagerness to learn quickly dissipated when I found myself studying hard but not producing good results. It's normal for JC 1 students to experience that but seeing no improvement messed me up because what keeps me going is seeing improvement. When I didn't get better, I started giving up.
I lacked stamina.
Then project work came in just when I thought I couldn't be more busy. Constant editing of drafts, consulting teachers and sleepless nights- I detested it to the core. From my time in JC, I've also come to know more about myself. In this case, I found out how much I hate being 'caged' and excessively watched over. I enjoy freedom to do things at my own pace, stress-free. I will get my task done and I will do it well. Just, please, don't suffocate me with command after command- it's over-bearing.
So, if you're like me and enjoy being independent, I suggest avoiding JC because teachers can get quite domineering.
When my grades continued to plummet, I started losing hope completely. At this point, I was already eyeing transferring to poly (which I will get to in a minute). I started being a bad student and skipping lessons which I'm certainly not proud of. Teachers talked to me, scolded me even (which I deserve). My mental health wasn't in the best state either and it just bummed me further that teachers prioritise work over health. I felt weak, like I'm the problem because why can everyone cope so well but I'm here drowning and gasping for air?
Then I started not showing up for CCA. At this point, I already got the news that I did so badly for promos (end-of-year promotional exam which determines whether you'll be promoted to JC 2) that I had to be retained. I wasn't really shocked because I saw it coming. But there was a part of me that felt ashamed because I wasn't always like this. In secondary school, I was a pretty decent triple science student. I enjoyed math and excelled in it. My English and humanities weren't terrible either. But when I came to JC, math was the subject I struggled with the most with and my English was described as simplistic and my vocabulary; lacking. It was demoralising.
Secondary school has it's tough moments but JC is a totally different ball game.
So I knew I was going to transfer to poly, for sure. I started avoiding whoever I could, mainly CCA mates and some teachers. Any opportunity to not show-up in school, I grabbed it. I've always been a very emotional person and if I have to leave people who I become attached to, say hello to the waterworks.
I didn't want to form bonds I couldn't maintain or say any sad goodbyes. I guess I'm quite heartless and selfish in that way :( I just really didn't want to make things hard for anyone or myself. Everyone was so nice and I didn't want to tear up in front of people in school :'(
The number of times I've sobbed in school or because of school thoughhh
It's so embarrassing.
Anyway, I started to just focus on project work. It was my last task in JC, plus it's a group effort. I didn't want to let my group mates down- they've been awesome this whole time.
I guess that's it. My JC journey in a nutshell- working hard, not seeing results, losing motivation, skipping classes and CCA, having to retain, project work- end.
I must say, it was a very enriching experience. I've definitely matured and enjoyed meeting new people. I learnt academic knowledge too, even though it wasn't optimal.
But I think the biggest reason why I don't regret going to JC is because of the friendships I've forged. It's incredible how God works in mysterious ways. JC was a nightmare but it was a blessing in disguise. If not for the hardships I've encountered in the early stages of my project work, I would not have met the love of my life :) I'm so so grateful and blessed to have him.
I'm so in love :) ♡♡♡
Honestly, I had my eye on a poly course since before O-levels even began for me. I was so set on going into that course but when I saw my O-level results, I thought I was somewhat academically inclined and that I would be able to handle JC.
Long story short, I'm (finally) going to poly next year! I'll probably blog about that in the future.
If you made it this far, thank you :) From all this, I have some advice I'd like to share from my experience:
- Don't regret anything because at one point, it's what you wanted.
- Grades aren't everything.
- It's okay to change your mind.
- You're not alone, you have a great support system in and out of school.
- It may be a bad day, or a bad week, or month but it's not a bad life.
- When people want to help or give advice, be receptive and appreciate them.
- There is no one correct way, there are many paths to reach your destination.
That's all for this post, bye for now ♥
(Sources of gifs all from Google)
