Nicole Bernadette

Hey there!!
I've been pretty busy with part-time jobs but I'm back to being free now which is very relaxing :)
This post is mainly for me to reflect and look back on this year in JC and to lighten the mood with some delicious food pics, it's also a What I Ate (for breakfast) on 20th and 22nd November 2016.

It feels like ages ago since I got my O-level results, went to open houses and got posted to the school of my choice. At that time, I decided to go JC since a local university was my goal. But dreams change, people change and paths change.




Somewhere along the way in JC, I began to realise that I didn't enjoy what I was doing. Perhaps a lot of students in JC just do for the sake of doing and I salute those hardworking people for being so resilient- I can't do that. Put simply- I lost motivation. Everything was overwhelming and I couldn't handle the stress, I should've known from my past of stress issues in secondary 4.

Anyway, back to the JC experience in its entirety. I actually did not bad (by my standards) for Os. It landed me in a decent junior college. I found myself inspired and excited at the beginning of the year. But that eagerness to learn quickly dissipated when I found myself studying hard but not producing good results. It's normal for JC 1 students to experience that but seeing no improvement messed me up because what keeps me going is seeing improvement. When I didn't get better, I started giving up.
I lacked stamina.



Then project work came in just when I thought I couldn't be more busy. Constant editing of drafts, consulting teachers and sleepless nights- I detested it to the core. From my time in JC, I've also come to know more about myself. In this case, I found out how much I hate being 'caged' and excessively watched over. I enjoy freedom to do things at my own pace, stress-free. I will get my task done and I will do it well. Just, please, don't suffocate me with command after command- it's over-bearing.
So, if you're like me and enjoy being independent, I suggest avoiding JC because teachers can get quite domineering.



When my grades continued to plummet, I started losing hope completely. At this point, I was already eyeing transferring to poly (which I will get to in a minute). I started being a bad student and skipping lessons which I'm certainly not proud of. Teachers talked to me, scolded me even (which I deserve). My mental health wasn't in the best state either and it just bummed me further that teachers prioritise work over health. I felt weak, like I'm the problem because why can everyone cope so well but I'm here drowning and gasping for air?

(22nd Nov - Breakfast)

Then I started not showing up for CCA. At this point, I already got the news that I did so badly for promos (end-of-year promotional exam which determines whether you'll be promoted to JC 2) that I had to be retained. I wasn't really shocked because I saw it coming. But there was a part of me that felt ashamed because I wasn't always like this. In secondary school, I was a pretty decent triple science student. I enjoyed math and excelled in it. My English and humanities weren't terrible either. But when I came to JC, math was the subject I struggled with the most with and my English was described as simplistic and my vocabulary; lacking. It was demoralising.
Secondary school has it's tough moments but JC is a totally different ball game.

 

So I knew I was going to transfer to poly, for sure. I started avoiding whoever I could, mainly CCA mates and some teachers. Any opportunity to not show-up in school, I grabbed it. I've always been a very emotional person and if I have to leave people who I become attached to, say hello to the waterworks.


I didn't want to form bonds I couldn't maintain or say any sad goodbyes. I guess I'm quite heartless and selfish in that way :(  I just really didn't want to make things hard for anyone or myself. Everyone was so nice and I didn't want to tear up in front of people in school :'(

The number of times I've sobbed in school or because of school thoughhh

It's so embarrassing.

Anyway, I started to just focus on project work. It was my last task in JC, plus it's a group effort. I didn't want to let my group mates down- they've been awesome this whole time.


I guess that's it. My JC journey in a nutshell- working hard, not seeing results, losing motivation, skipping classes and CCA, having to retain, project work- end.

I must say, it was a very enriching experience. I've definitely matured and enjoyed meeting new people. I learnt academic knowledge too, even though it wasn't optimal.
But I think the biggest reason why I don't regret going to JC is because of the friendships I've forged. It's incredible how God works in mysterious ways. JC was a nightmare but it was a blessing in disguise. If not for the hardships I've encountered in the early stages of my project work, I would not have met the love of my life :)  I'm so so grateful and blessed to have him.

I'm so in love :) ♡♡♡

Honestly, I had my eye on a poly course since before O-levels even began for me. I was so set on going into that course but when I saw my O-level results, I thought I was somewhat academically inclined and that I would be able to handle JC.


Long story short, I'm (finally) going to poly next year! I'll probably blog about that in the future.



If you made it this far, thank you :) From all this, I have some advice I'd like to share from my experience:

1. Don't regret anything because at one point, it's what you wanted.
2. Grades aren't everything.
3. It's okay to change your mind.
4. You're not alone, you have a great support system in and out of school.
5. It may be a bad day, or a bad week, or month but it's not a bad life.
6. When people want to help or give advice, be receptive and appreciate them.
7. There is no one correct way, there are many paths to reach your destination.

That's all for this post, bye for now ♥
(Sources of gifs all from Google)

I'm so exciteddd! It's been awhile since I posted a What I Ate.

I have so much to babble about in this post.
It's been a while since I had the time and energy to make a banana nice-cream! And I almost forgot how delicious it can be! It's also super filling. Just 2 bananas and I'm stuffed. The cookies I used for the topping is the dark chocolate Oat Krunch cookies. They're very tasty and it's currently my favourite thing to snack on. I also topped the nice-cream with strawberries, blueberries and chia seeds. Kept things rather simple this morning :)

 

I've been on a journey to getting back in shape. They say losing weight is 80% of what you eat and 20% exercise so I've been more aware of what goes in my body. Not going to lie, I haven't been eating very well. Tones of junk food and improper meals at ungodly hours- it's bad. But everybody starts somewhere and I'm starting now :)
My weight has always fluctuated very easily, meaning, I gain weight and lose weight rather quickly. Not sure if thats a good thing or bad thing but it's my body so I'm just working with what I got.

I've been eating healthier snacks like cereal, nuts and steamed buns as opposed to the usual fries or chips which I've been indulging in a lot these past few months.
I also find it quite funny how people around me have all noticed my different food obsession phases.
Earlier this year I had an instant noodle phase (I know, so unhealthy!), then cereal, then Sunshine Bread (which is accidentally vegan!), and now I'm currently on my red bean bao (bun) phase HAHA. It's weird, I don't know why or how I get intense food addictions.


I've also been incorporating some easy exercises to do at home like squats, jumping jacks, leg lifts etc. I may start incorporating running into my routine soon. I used to be crazy over running. It was good for a while but when I started running more than 6km everyday (some days I ran 7km, 10km, even 15km at my peak) at ungodly hours- that's when things went out of hand.
I may write another post on my whole health journey because I don't think I can eloquently and comprehensively type it out in this post. That story needs a long, extensive post of its own.


(Taken by my patient and loving sister and, no, she didn't ask me to type this HAHA)

I'm going to skip what I had for lunch because it wasn't very healthy and I'm guilty. My dinner was a redemption of sorts though! Dinner was with my family at Loving Hut. I'm always really thankful for the times I spend with my family :)
Another thing I'm thankful for is that I'm way happier now as compared to before when I was so tired and irritable. I'm in a right state of mind now and I'm planning on getting fit in a healthy and long-lasting way. The thing about crash dieting is that you lose weight quickly but you gain weight just as quickly. Plus, you may even put on more weight than what you started at. It's scary and not sustainable- I don't want to make that mistake.


Described as a healthy low-fat sandwich on the menu, I knew I had to try this tofu scramble sandwich! I like that the tofu tastes a lot like egg. The texture is really on point too. The tofu is chilled and creamy to taste like an egg mayo sandwich. If you miss egg mayo as a vegan, I totally recommend this! I loved it so much and I'm definitely going back to Loving Hut for more.

One thing that has really inspired me and kept me looking forward to each day is this app called Grid Diary. I love this app so much! It's hard to explain the functions and how it works so I really urge you to download it if you haven't already :) Once you download it, it's really user-friendly.
I find myself typing the days happenings everyday and I thoroughly enjoy looking back on some days just to relive the memories of that day. I'm no superhuman and I can't remember everything so I like that this app helps me not forget.

I don't know how or why but I think, somewhere along the way of having so much fun, love and gratitude, I've developed a fear of forgetting good memories. I began writing out the things I'm thankful for each day in my schedule but there wasn't enough space after awhile so I switched over to this app where there's no word limit and everything's a lot clearer :)


Had a nice cup of hazelnut cocoa too :)

Another thing that really inspires me is pictures of fit, healthy girls on social media especially tumblr or Instagram. I'm talking Alexis Ren, Diana Korkunova- these girls make me want to get hot HAHA.
But, of course, I'm bearing in mind that everyones body is different. I'm not very tall, I can't expect to look like Taylor Marie Hill no matter how much I work out.

Talking about comparison, I've been so terrible to myself. You know how you'd never bash your best friend? You're nothing but loving and encouraging to those around you. But when it comes to yourself, you're your worst enemy- it's sad :(
And I'm working on being a better person to myself too. I guess I'm really insecure and I make the mistake of comparing and wanting to be like other beautiful girls. But I fail to realise that we're all lovely in our own special way, including me.
I guess all my insecurities are heightened when I feel like I have someone to impress, hahahaha. But I'm thankful that the people around me love me for who I am :) Super blessed♡♡♡


Being truthful with yourself is honestly going to help so much- I know there was a point in time when I didn't keep things real with myself. I spiralled out of control, wanting to be like so may other people when it's not possible. Glad and thankful that I'm more comfortable in my own skin now :)

That's all for this post. Count your blessings and remember that you're so loved :)
Bye for now!

That's all for this disorganised post, bye for now!!

"We do not inherit the earth from our ancestors; we borrow it from our children."