Nicole Bernadette

I'm in a season of just wanting to cling on to Jesus and never let go. I'm really so thankful for everything God has done for me❤ I've sinned, and I went through painful times - but God always finds me and leads me back to Him. I was reading my Bible one chill night and I was really moved by Leviticus 26:14-46.
I'm so pumped for this blog post and I pray that it will help you in your walk with God☺

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After the Exodus where Moses brought God's people out of slavery in Egypt, God exacted the Ten Commandments and many laws and decrees. He then mentioned the reward for obedience and the punishment for disobedience.

Of course, my reaction when I was reading through the list of punishments and trials which God would put a person through if he/she disobeys was:

Source: https://thumbs.gfycat.com/JollyNaughtyCottonmouth-small.gif

But there's actually so much more to it when I really began reading each line and underlining the parts which stood out to me! It's truly beautiful and I'm going to explain how I think God's punishment for disobedience is actually Him showing His love and mercy.

I'll colour code the verses in this way:

• God's power
• Love, mercy, compassion
• Repentance
• Sin

Punishment for Disobedience 

14 “‘But if you will not listen to me and carry out all these commands, 15 and if you reject my decrees and abhor my laws and fail to carry out all my commands and so violate my covenant, 16 then I will do this to you: I will bring on you sudden terror, wasting diseases and fever that will destroy your sight and sap your strength. You will plant seed in vain, because your enemies will eat it. 17 I will set my face against you so that you will be defeated by your enemies; those who hate you will rule over you, and you will flee even when no one is pursuing you. 

I highlighted if as love/mercy because it shows that God is saying that there's a possibility of you disobeying Him, or NOT disobeying Him - this means that we have free will to choose if we want to repent or rebel.

18 “‘If after all this you will not listen to me, I will punish you for your sins seven times over. 19 I will break down your stubborn pride and make the sky above you like iron and the ground beneath you like bronze. 20 Your strength will be spent in vain, because your soil will not yield its crops, nor will the trees of your land yield their fruit. 

21 “‘If you remain hostile toward me and refuse to listen to me, I will multiply your afflictions seven times over, as your sins deserve. 22 I will send wild animals against you, and they will rob you of your children, destroy your cattle and make you so few in number that your roads will be deserted. 

The 'if's are an invitation from God to change and go back to Him. In the following verses, God is still relentlessly chasing after You into the wilderness in hopes that You will come back to Him. His punishments, though painful, are actually a way for Him to guide you to His heart.

23 “‘If in spite of these things you do not accept my correction but continue to be hostile toward me, 24 I myself will be hostile toward you and will afflict you for your sins seven times over. 25 And I will bring the sword on you to avenge the breaking of the covenant. When you withdraw into your cities, I will send a plague among you, and you will be given into enemy hands. 26 When I cut off your supply of bread, ten women will be able to bake your bread in one oven, and they will dole out the bread by weight. You will eat, but you will not be satisfied.

God brings us to troubled waters to cleanse us. As mentioned in Leviticus 26:23, He wants to correct us!

Also, just a little side note: Although this blog post is about God's love and mercy through His punishments, I think it is still important to view His punishments seriously and to fear The Lord. As Moses said to the people after leaving Egypt, “For God has come to test you, so that the fear of Him may be before you, to keep you from sinning.” (from Exodus 20:20)

27 “‘If in spite of this you still do not listen to me but continue to be hostile toward me, 28 then in my anger I will be hostile toward you, and I myself will punish you for your sins seven times over. 29 You will eat the flesh of your sons and the flesh of your daughters. 30 I will destroy your high places, cut down your incense altars and pile your dead bodies on the lifeless forms of your idols, and I will abhor you. 31 I will turn your cities into ruins and lay waste your sanctuaries, and I will take no delight in the pleasing aroma of your offerings. 32 I myself will lay waste the land, so that your enemies who live there will be appalled. 33 I will scatter you among the nations and will draw out my sword and pursue you. Your land will be laid waste, and your cities will lie in ruins. 34 Then the land will enjoy its sabbath years all the time that it lies desolate and you are in the country of your enemies; then the land will rest and enjoy its sabbaths. 35 All the time that it lies desolate, the land will have the rest it did not have during the sabbaths you lived in it.

Notice the number of times He says "if", notice how many chances He gives us and how much attention He gives us when we are not walking on the narrow path to life. He is truly like a loving parent - I remember when I was little and my mom used to scold me and say, "If I didn't care about you, I would keep letting you make mistakes. It's so easy to not worry about you and just let you do whatever you want, you know? But I care about you, that's why I scold you - so that you will be better. You think I want to be angry meh? I punish you because I love you."

That memory of my mom really resurfaced when I read this Bible passage.
Punishment for disobedience from God is mercy and love because He's giving us several chances to change, grow, repent and run back to Him - it's a sign that He has not forsaken you even though you've disobeyed or continue to disobey Him!

Also, notice how each punishment becomes more and more severe? Just like how God's plagues became more and more mighty as He was trying to get His people out of Egypt. I think it was just a pretty cool observation - it shows that He is not slowly giving up on you - He is being even more relentless in his pursuit for you! How amazing is our God❤

36 “‘As for those of you who are left, I will make their hearts so fearful in the lands of their enemies that the sound of a windblown leaf will put them to flight. They will run as though fleeing from the sword, and they will fall, even though no one is pursuing them. 37 They will stumble over one another as though fleeing from the sword, even though no one is pursuing them. So you will not be able to stand before your enemies. 38 You will perish among the nations; the land of your enemies will devour you. 39 Those of you who are left will waste away in the lands of their enemies because of their sins; also because of their ancestors’ sins they will waste away.

"As for those of you who are left" - so where have the others gone? I'd like to think that God was successful in getting some, hopefully most, to turn back to Him :)

But for the rest of the paragraph, it's pretty scary. It's describing those who truly do not change after God's many attempts to bring you back to Him through his severe punishments. But do not fret, because, in the next passage, God shares how He will forgive and not reject those who do confess their sins and repent:

40 “‘But if they will confess their sins and the sins of their ancestors—their unfaithfulness and their hostility toward me, 41 which made me hostile toward them so that I sent them into the land of their enemies—then when their uncircumcised hearts are humbled and they pay for their sin, 42 I will remember my covenant with Jacob and my covenant with Isaac and my covenant with Abraham, and I will remember the land. 43 For the land will be deserted by them and will enjoy its sabbaths while it lies desolate without them. They will pay for their sins because they rejected my laws and abhorred my decrees. 44 Yet in spite of this, when they are in the land of their enemies, I will not reject them or abhor them so as to destroy them completely, breaking my covenant with them. I am the Lord their God. 45 But for their sake I will remember the covenant with their ancestors whom I brought out of Egypt in the sight of the nations to be their God. I am the Lord.’”
46 These are the decrees, the laws and the regulations that the Lord established at Mount Sinai between himself and the Israelites through Moses.

In conclusion, I think the biggest challenge for us humans is learning to change our attitude towards trials from God. God can use evil for good, just like how He let Joseph be sold by his brothers and be thrown into jail - so that Joseph could save many lives (mentioned in Genesis 45:5).
After we've discerned that the punishment is from God, we need to learn to confess, repent and turn back to Him. It's truly so easy to be bitter at punishment - but I hope Leviticus 26:14-46 will remind you that it is God's mercy and Him inviting you to come back into His loving embrace.

Let me end off with this Bible verse:

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
- 1 John 1:9

I know that I came across this passage at a very appropriate time and I truly feel that this message was spirit-lead :)  All glory to God!
That's all for this post, God Bless❤❤

When I write reports, I feel like I'm carrying out surgery. Maybe it's because I'm being meticulous, or maybe it's just because I'm weird. Probably the latter.

Anyway, what a way to start this blog post - absolutely morbidly - just like how the second half of this semester was for me.

I'm being dramatic, it probably wasn't so bad. But it was definitely challenging.

On the first day of this semester, I was greeted with a slap on my face. My teacher told me that I was not meeting expectations and I have not done very well during the first half. I cried (what's new) but quickly took action to improve.
That same day, 25th June 2018, I deleted several apps from my phone including Instagram, PUBG, Twitter, YouTube and more. I eliminated them because they were a source of distraction for me - and I didn't want that. I couldn't afford to have that.

Following the deletion of the apps, I worked hard and stayed as focus as I could.

Fast forward more than a month, I survived without Instagram for approximately 43 days! I'm actually quite impressed and proud of myself because Instagram and I used to be inseparable. But

Source: https://media1.tenor.com/images/c6e249926e0174b8aaf3175649e92338/tenor.gif?itemid=4969734

My my, so much has happened in 6+ weeks.
First off, I kind of rekindled my faith. It's shaky, but it's there. I feel like I've been so doubtful, fearful, and shameful the previous few months - but meeting up with my precious friend Melissa and great church leader Kenji has helped me realise how cool, loving and forgiving God is.

Also, in my post about the previous term, I mentioned that I needed to make a website and be in an MOE video for web design and development. I think I can talk a little more about it now since the video is out on MOE's Instagram, YouTube channel and it's even being featured on an Instagram advert. High-key embarrassed because I don't look very glamorous. Nonetheless, it's pretty cool.

The link to the Instagram post is here.
The link to the full video on YouTube is here.

Source: https://i.pinimg.com/originals/75/3a/16/753a167f10ad52f6d714dc5a34acb8fe.jpg

God has seriously renewed my heart and my joy and love for God has been overflowing!😁

But things aren't always completely smooth sailing - I felt jealousy creeping into my heart again recently which spurred me to find out what I could do about it. I struggled with it on my own in the past, but I have God now which I think makes all the difference.
I prayed, and He has answered - this is what He has replied me with and all glory to God! I do hope it helps you in some way :)

I made a video on my YouTube channel last night and uploaded it earlier today:


As I mentioned above, jealousy has been plaguing me again recently and I just wanted to know what I could do to be cured of it. I was on a bus ride home yesterday night and I decided to re-read the Parable of the Prodigal son, or Lost son. It’s a well-known parable and for good reason - there’s so much to interpret from it!

Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.

 “Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living.

- Luke 15: 11-13

There was a man, who I interpret to be God - and He had 2 sons. The younger one asked for a share of the estate but traveled to a distant country and squandered his wealth in wild living. Realise that he didn’t go wild nearby - he had to be and wanted to be far from His Father when he was doing unlawful things - so he traveled to a distant country.

I think at some point in our life, we were the prodigal son. We may not have squandered money till the extent of the lost son but we are all sinners - we know this. But we have been saved by a loving Father who gave us His son Jesus Christ to take our place to make us righteous❤

After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in the country - and this resulted in the lost son having to feed pigs as a living. During this time, absolute rock bottom, he came to his senses.

He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.

“When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ So he got up and went to his father.

“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

“The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’

“But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate

- Luke 15:16-23

God’s Kingdom is a Kingdom of plenty, for plenty! And so, the lost son returns to his father - and his father, seeing his lost son from a distance, ran to his son, embraced him and kissed him. The son apologises and the father tells his servants to basically celebrate, elaborately, the return of his lost son.

God is so good, loving, merciful and all these amazing things. A lot of us know that - it’s been preached a lot on and we can definitely infer God’s grace, love, and mercy through this parable.
But I think there’s so much more in this passage and God revealed that to me tonight.
Even though this parable could have ended here with a grand celebration of the return of a lost child of God, all wonderful and dandy, Jesus is such a great storyteller.

The parable continues with the older brother coming home and hearing music and dancing from inside the house. He then receives news that his younger brother has returned and they have killed the fattened calf to celebrate.

“Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. 26So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. 27‘Your brother has come,’ he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’

- Luke 15:25-27

And the Bible says this is how the older son reacted to the news of his younger brother's return:

“The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’

- Luke 15:28-30

At this point, I had mixed emotions. I totally identified with the older son and his frustration. I wasn’t satisfied with just “being happy for the lost son who has been found”.
But it turns out, I had to empathise with the younger son’s pain of being lost.

Are you with me, am I making sense? I was focusing on the
joy of the son being FOUND. 
But I’m getting the message to be
empathic about the pain of being LOST.

Because the parable continues:

“ ‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ ”

- Luke 15:31-32

While I was praying and reflecting on the word, this sentence came to me:
The cure to jealousy is empathy.

I needed a message confirmation so I re-read the parable and it didn’t explicitly say that the older brother knew what his younger brother went through - in his eyes, it seems like he ran away with his father's money and came back in a pitiful state but got warmly welcomed back. The older brother was only focusing on his younger brothers bad deeds.

I think this older brother wanted vengeance, he wanted to see his brother get punished and scolded - but that is not what our loving, forgiving and amazing God does. He is all these things and more and He’s is calling us to be merciful, like Him.

I was wondering and kind of speaking to God: If it’s not really in the Parable, can I really assume that empathy is the cure to jealousy?

I then felt Him reply me with an analogy in the form of a story.
He illustrated a scenario. I have a younger sister, making this parable and analogy/vision very applicable. So the vision/story goes like this:
My sister has just taken some food I’ve prepared for school - this left me angry and frustrated. She has her share, why take mine?
But then there was a plot twist - my sister took my food because hers was taken away from her by bullies in school. She was going hungry for days.
When this turn of events was revealed to me, my heart changed pretty much instantly. Poor sister! I became more than willing to share or even give her what I had. This change in heart was birthed from love, and mainly empathy.

God was confirming my message within a message.

There was a period in my life when jealousy was overwhelming me and pretty much engulfed my existence - I Googled things like ‘How to not be jealous’. They gave tips like ‘figure out the underlying cause’, ‘separate past from present’, ‘encourage good use of imagination’ etc.
Personally, these tips didn't do much for me because the 'remedy' was temporary and it didn't change my heart.

It turns out the true cure was in the Bible all along, Hallelujah, Praise the Lord!

From this whole Bible reflection, I've really learned so much :')  It's not enough to just read and reflect - I need to apply it to my life too. So the next time I feel jealous of someone, I'm going to put myself in his/her shoes and empathise with his/her circumstances. Once I am able to be empathic about his/her struggles and pain, I'm pretty sure the jealousy will dissipate :)

It's important and graceful to be happy for someone else's joy of being found, but should jealousy come knocking on the door - you have empathy to back you up :)

Plus,

That's all for this blog post, God bless☺

Can I just thank God for how He always works things out in His perfect time and perfect way🙏🏼


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I was honestly having second thoughts on doing Information Technology. It's not that I don't enjoy it, but perhaps I'm getting restless and want to try something new. But more than that, I believe it's because I want to have a fulfilling career - something that allows me to help people and have a lot of face-to-face interactions. Sure, I may be doing alright in IT but I was worried about how I’ll be able to honour God in my work.

I started comparing it to the work of a social worker, counselor, nurse and even doctor - I WAS THINKING ABOUT GOING TO MED SCHOOL, how crazy and absurd! Although it sounds amazing - helping people, getting to form so many connections and save lives - it's a jarring difference from IT and it's going to be close to impossible to make a change to med school at this point. The only way med school can be an option for me is if I start from zero, again.

But God delivers and after a recent project discussion, I realised that God uses the people around you to make you realise things. Mr. Tan (my coding teacher) mentioned how we all have our talents and should focus on our individual gifts to move forward.

After some reflection, I think it applies to my predicament now. There are amazing people who will be social workers, counselors, nurses, and doctors - they’re going to be really good at it too. But I can be something different - I can be in the IT industry, making use of my God-given talents - that can be how I honour God. If God wanted a world of doctors, who would do other things?

I'm not saying that I will definitely be continuing on to do Computer Science in university, I'm not saying I won't be doing it either. I think I'm just going to do my best in what I'm studying now (Information Technology in Temasek Polytechnic) to have options in the future when I need to discern my university course and career path. It's exciting to think about the next chapter in life - it used to scare me but it doesn't so much anymore because I know God goes before me AND stands behind me. How great is our God❤

I don't know what the future holds, but I'm going to trust that God has a plan for me. Whatever I end up doing, I'm going to praise God for our differences and honour Him with my God-given talents❤

In conclusion,

“For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.”
‭‭- Romans‬ ‭12:4-8‬ ‭NIV‬‬

I am Christian - for a very long time, I didn't know what that meant exactly. I didn't know the beauty and honour of being a Christian.


Source: https://78.media.tumblr.com/69d9513ef8d0757048ffcf96edbd797d/tumblr_o4ub1aQStt1sj7j0lo1_500.jpg 

Before I proceed, I want to say that I'm writing this post with good intentions and I really want to share my faith and what I've found recently. God gave all of us free will so who am I to shove my will onto you, dear reader. I am simply sharing and I do pray that it impacts you in a positive way :)

I think I only recently rediscovered my faith and I'm so blessed and thankful. My religion means love - it means I am deeply loved and protected by my Father in heaven. It means I love Him and I should live my life in a way that pleases Him. It means that I am saved because Jesus paid the price for my sins and He opened the door to eternal life. It means so much to me and I'm so so thankful that I am born in a family which is Catholic.

With that being said, a deep sorrow has hit me recently. The Bible says:

"'In the last days, God says, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your young men will see visions, your old men will dream dreams. 

- Acts 2:17 (NIV)

It's a very heavy and daunting thought - but it has been a big factor that spurred me to renewing my faith.
And I've been watching a lot of videos about people getting visions - very strong, powerful, God-sent visions. This began when I chanced upon a video one morning but I believe that it was all God's plan. These vision testimonies did scare me at first but it has quickly turned into gratitude and sadness that not everyone will be going to heaven. It's God's wish for everyone to enter His Kingdom but our choices made now in our lives determine the afterlife.
I'm really rambling in the post, but I just want to voice out and share some of the videos I've watched recently.

This is the first video I watched, regarding this topic:


Another amazing testimony I found was this one, and I have a lot of respect for him (John Ramirez):
John Ramirez has some pretty interesting books which I'm hoping to get my hands on.

Honestly, while writing this, I just had a revelation. I think I've let go and let God quite a bit these past few days. I was just thinking about how we truly are in the 'end days' but I am not afraid anymore like how I would be as a child. I am also unafraid about not fulfilling my future dreams (e.g. getting into a good university, getting married, starting a beautiful family etc.). I think it's a sign that I've put God's way and will above mine and that's a great thing :)

I'm blessed and so thankful for where I'm at in my faith. I mustn't be selfish and just revel in my own salvation though, I want to spread God's word and love - to bring as many people to God as I can. It's sad that some people never get to know Jesus Christ, and I'm hoping that I can help at least one person before I die.

I just need to be more courageous and I definitely need to know more about scriptures and God's word. I'm excited for what lies ahead :)

I really do hope you watch the videos, especially the second one! It's pretty awesome how loving and forgiving God is. He can use any broken vessel for His great goodness.

I'll be posting an update of the end of my semester (Year 2.1) around the end of September, after my results come out (pretty nervous but it's out of my control now - surrendered it to God).
Until then, have an amazing life, God Bless!

Hey guys! This post is just me looking back on my 4-month-long holiday and reflecting a little before school starts. I got accepted into Temasek Polytechnic and I'm doing Information Technology, I'm super excited :) I can finally commence my 10-day countdown till my orientation!

When I look back on the past few months, I think the highlights are the new skills and lessons I've learnt. I also vividly remember the challenges and triumphs I have with loved ones. I can name 4 things which stick out to me:

• Boxing 
• Painting (I have an online portfolio here)
• 18th Birthday
• Church camp

And to accompany through it all is my wonderful boyfriend; Gabriel :)

I've been really into painting recently and I guess it all started from this artwork:

"Open Heaven"


This picture can be found on my Instagram :)

I had a church camp called 'Open Heaven' coming up so I was inspired to paint an ocean. I had no idea how it would turn out before or while I was painting but I was very pleasantly surprised by the end result. The kind feedback from family, peers and my boyfriend just kept me painting.

I'll be scattering some of my other pieces which I quite like throughout this post. More can be found here. I also have a YouTube video showcasing my 'portfolio' of artworks done so far at that point in time (which is majority of the pieces). Link to that video is here.




"Portal"

The next exciting thing which happened during the holiday was my birthday! And not just any birthday, it was my 18th birthday :)
Gabriel's birthday falls 8 days before mine so we had a combined birthday celebration at my place. We're both officially legal! I don't usually invite people over and I'm terrible at entertaining guests but I'm so thankful that the night went smoothly and people had a good time.


"Jealousy"

Let's get real deep for a moment. I'm guilty of comparing myself to others multiple times. And it all boils down to envy, no matter how hard I try to deny it. Envy/jealousy is ultimately an emotion related to fear. And I'm a very fearful person but I'm working on it! There's a quote which struck me:

When jealousy rears up, it indicates that something inside of you is afraid. It's an alarm, nothing less and nothing more. Treat it as such. 

-Anothny D. Ravenscroft

Throughout my birthday period (especially on my actual birthday where I was cooped up serving in church camp which I'll talk about more later), I found myself feeling really upset. Thoughts like, "Why can't I celebrate my 18th birthday in a club like those celebrities or in a hotel like those famous bloggers?",  "Why am I here?", "Nobody cares about me," etc. kept running through my head. I just wanted so much to feel special on my actual birthday but I guess I wasn't receiving the love or attention I wanted. And it was so frustrating because I knew that I was being a spoilt brat and asking for too much in my head. I told myself to calm down and think rationally but that only conceals my negative feelings, it doesn't get rid of them.


"Australia: Phillip Island I"

I get so caught up wanting to be nice and 'perfect' or ideal that I suppress some of my very normal human emotions. For example, if I'm upset for a valid reason, instead of allowing myself to feel, I talk myself out of it with things like, "Girl, you shouldn't be feeling this way!", "You're better than this!" etc. It happens a lot and it made me hit a couple of lows this holiday. It was like I was swinging between extremes and it was very tiring. I'm just thankful for the people in my life to pull me out of those lows :)

I'm also very thankful for the amazing advice I got. Someone told me that I shouldn't let the 'dream Nicole' get in the way of how I really feel about things. And that person also told me to not let my thoughts make me lose sight of the truths.

And I've realised that the best way for me to resolve this internal turmoil is to talk to someone-which is the most difficult thing for me to do. I rarely confide in people because I'm so scared of being vulnerable. But if it was easy, it probably wouldn't be worth it.


"Crashing Over Me"

Church camp (Open Heaven) was on 15th-19th March and my birthday fell during camp so I was a little sad that day. I guess I'm a typical teenage girl who wants to have a special day where things really go my way and for me to feel extra special and loved. But things can't always go according to our plans because God has greater plans I guess.
So I didn't spend my birthday having a bash like celebrities or some of my friends do on their 18th. I served God alongside my boyfriend and precious church friends. It was tiring and I was still a little upset deep down but it was a blessing in disguise. I just really hope my next birthday doesn't fall during camp. I've already began imagining how I want my 19th birthday to be, HAHA.


"Lion and The Lamb"

The significance of sacrifice also really struck me this holiday. What are you willing to sacrifice for [fill in the blank]? What would you sacrifice for your friendship, your family, your relationship, your work etc.? I think everything worth having doesn't come easy and it's definitely going to require some form of sacrifice. And how much you're willing to give up is proportional to how much that thing means to you.


"River Wild"

I'm still learning to handle my emotions because I feel like I feel too much sometimes and then I have those periods, after I've felt too much, where I just shut-off and literally can't cry or feel anything. I become numb and that's when it's dangerous. I'm learning to take things easy and trust myself and others around me. I'm learning to love myself and see my strengths and my beauty. We're all beautiful in our own special way and just because she's beautiful, it doesn't mean I'm not. And blowing out someones candle will not make yours shine any brighter. You could even end up blowing out your own candle by accident.

I saw this quote while writing this blogpost which really resonated with me:

Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. There is only on alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck. Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences. Put all the energy into building your personal and emotional security. Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them.   

-Jennifer James 

"Keep My Eyes Above The Waves"

Enough of all the negative emotions. Let me talk about something which I feel quite accomplished about. I was able to give my testimony in front of a pretty big crowd in my church youth ministry despite the emotional roller coaster I was on in the previous week. It was intense but it went pretty well and I'm glad I managed to pull off the humorous bits.


"Oceans"

God plays a really big part in my life and in my paintings. I watched The Shack with Gabriel and it was such an amazing movie. We first heard of the novel/film from Hillsong United because they did a song for the movie. It's so amazing!! Everything about the movie tugged on my heartstrings. I don't want to give any spoilers but I just felt so renewed after seeing this movie. And it made me feel so blessed to know God and for me and Gabriel to have the same faith.

That's all for this super messy post, it was more of an outlet and reflection for me. I teared up while typing some parts, heh. I just want you to know that you are so wonderfully made and no one can change who you are. You're amazing, strong and beautiful. I appreciate you and you are so important. Your feelings matter and your emotions are valid.

That's all for this post, take care and God Bless :)